I've been wanting to write this blog post for a while now. Weeks have gone by since we've had our fourth session.
Every time I feel so relieved, reassured, and understood.
This time we spoke about some issues I have when we are inside a lot.
The most important message was: Carry on joyously what you're doing!
Quite often, I let myself get distracted by dd complaining or making unhappy sounds. Ok, every time I get distracted by that. I wonder if I did something wrong, why we're not in the continuum, and what not.
I practiced that a lot - just carrying on what I was doing. It was easy because I no longer feel bad if she complains a little. I just try to find a way she can help me with what I'm doing, or I find something she can do (things she has forgotten about), or I take her outside (that is almost guaranteed to work). Pretty much what I did before, but without beating myself up!
We talked about so much else, but this was the most important message for me this time.
Not to try so hard, but enjoy more. Not to take frustration over something dd cannot get to work right away for unhappiness.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Monday, September 1, 2014
Humor and joy
Some days ago I asked hubby if I should hold dd while he is doing chores at night (aering the room, packing his bag for the next day).
His reply was: "We're fully in the continuum, please don't disturb!".
I had a really good laugh.
He has a way of using the things I talk about in little jokes a few days later. I had told him about doing all our daily activities with dd, and apparently he got the message.
I had fun today, too, making fun of myself. It helps me to lighten up when I take this entire parenting thing too seriously.
A famous parenting author talks about how we should be "light houses" for our children.
I washed my hands and dd wanted to be picked up, and I wanted to finish washing my hands. Dd was grumbling a little and I said "Common, I'm the light house here". Had to laugh about my own joke and dd laughed with me.
His reply was: "We're fully in the continuum, please don't disturb!".
I had a really good laugh.
He has a way of using the things I talk about in little jokes a few days later. I had told him about doing all our daily activities with dd, and apparently he got the message.
I had fun today, too, making fun of myself. It helps me to lighten up when I take this entire parenting thing too seriously.
A famous parenting author talks about how we should be "light houses" for our children.
I washed my hands and dd wanted to be picked up, and I wanted to finish washing my hands. Dd was grumbling a little and I said "Common, I'm the light house here". Had to laugh about my own joke and dd laughed with me.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Quick note on afternoon naps
While dd was napping, I went to the bathroom to wash my hair. She woke up while I was still busy, and cried a bit. But for the first time today, she just got up and looked for me!
Normally she stays in bed crying (and I never really know why, she's not exactly shy to look for us in any other situation).
Happy!
Normally she stays in bed crying (and I never really know why, she's not exactly shy to look for us in any other situation).
Happy!
Out in nature
Day before yesterday
We went to a beautiful place in nature, a 30 min ride from our place by public transport. We took a long walk, and paused a lot so dd could crawl and explore. It was a 3 hour hike in total.
Later on dd picked some blackberries herself. Don't ask me how she did it without hurting herself! There were some berries growing close to the ground, surrounded by lots of snails, dirt, and obviously thorns. I let her do what she wanted, and she picked some berries herself. How can she be so good at it? I have no idea. I did some wild movements getting to the berries myself, so I somewhat expected her to scratch herself. I trusted she would stop and call for me as soon as it hurts, though, so I just let her.
And she picked some fine berries!
We headed to a park later on and stayed there for another two hours.
She really resisted staying in the sling when we waited for the subway to get back home. For 10mins, I wasn't sure what to do. I rocked her back and forth, didn't engage with her, etc. She cried really loud though. Hm. Next time I would get up with her and walk around.
It was only 10mins but still. Did I engage with her too much before? Was it because her movements were restricted too much during the days before today?
Yesterday
This morning I saw a young woman whom I met a while ago in our grocery store. She was pregnant and past her due date, and we got to talk a little. I met her again some days later and baby was in a stroller. I did not say anything, assuming that everyone tells her how to do things anyway. This morning I saw her carrying her baby in a woven wrap! We had no time to talk so we just said hello. I am so happy for her!
We explored a part of the city I haven't been to before. Almost 4 hours of hiking and exploring with dd.
On both days, we took lots of breaks so dd could explore as much as possible. I carried her a ring sling. We took two bottles of water, dried fruit and bread with us.
Overall we had a fantastic time, and the ring sling and what we brought (water/fruit/bread) got us through the day just fine!
We went to a beautiful place in nature, a 30 min ride from our place by public transport. We took a long walk, and paused a lot so dd could crawl and explore. It was a 3 hour hike in total.
 |
| Lunchbreak with dd |
Later on dd picked some blackberries herself. Don't ask me how she did it without hurting herself! There were some berries growing close to the ground, surrounded by lots of snails, dirt, and obviously thorns. I let her do what she wanted, and she picked some berries herself. How can she be so good at it? I have no idea. I did some wild movements getting to the berries myself, so I somewhat expected her to scratch herself. I trusted she would stop and call for me as soon as it hurts, though, so I just let her.
And she picked some fine berries!
We headed to a park later on and stayed there for another two hours.
She really resisted staying in the sling when we waited for the subway to get back home. For 10mins, I wasn't sure what to do. I rocked her back and forth, didn't engage with her, etc. She cried really loud though. Hm. Next time I would get up with her and walk around.
It was only 10mins but still. Did I engage with her too much before? Was it because her movements were restricted too much during the days before today?
Yesterday
This morning I saw a young woman whom I met a while ago in our grocery store. She was pregnant and past her due date, and we got to talk a little. I met her again some days later and baby was in a stroller. I did not say anything, assuming that everyone tells her how to do things anyway. This morning I saw her carrying her baby in a woven wrap! We had no time to talk so we just said hello. I am so happy for her!
We explored a part of the city I haven't been to before. Almost 4 hours of hiking and exploring with dd.
 |
| Probably the longest slide I've ever seen. Yes, we used it on our way back. So fun! |
 |
| Great view over the city. |
On both days, we took lots of breaks so dd could explore as much as possible. I carried her a ring sling. We took two bottles of water, dried fruit and bread with us.
Overall we had a fantastic time, and the ring sling and what we brought (water/fruit/bread) got us through the day just fine!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Thoughts on feeling loved
 |
| Dd at 4 months old in our favorite wrap. |
I just remembered that having had the full in-arms-phase must make a big difference in how we perceive life later on.
So often we as parents think "Oh no, I don't want to say / do this to my child, it would have hurt me so much in my own childhood". How often have we felt rejected, not loved, not seen, and judged unfairly?
With the wonderful start in life that CC children have, they feel loved. They must perceive life so differently!
Without the underlying notion on feeling rejected, I would have taken so many things differently. I might have heard "Please don't do this" as "Please don't do this, and I love you" instead of "How stupid you are, how can you? Please don't do this. You're a burden to me!".
I sometimes found it challenging to be in touch with baby 24/7 for the first months. But the thought of how much it will benefit dd made is so worth it. In hindsight, I wish I had never put her down. I did here and there, because I heard about it all the time.
Jean Liedloff describes in her book how the feeling of being high on heroin can only mimick what babys carried in arms feel. Now isn't that a great reason to carry our little ones? Making them feel high on love?
Dd only picks certain people
After five days of coughing, sneezing and feeling under the weather, I was finally feeling well enough yesterday to take dd shopping and to the playground later on.
She has some new pants now that will serve her well playing outside (can you see my new commitment to spending tons of time outside? ha!).
At the playground, I realized that she always picks a certain type of parent to go to. She seems to prefer the strong, independent type. Loving and kind, but usually engaged in doing something else (mostly with their own child). Someone I wouldn't mind having as a co-worker. I've never seen her go to anyone I couldn't stand. Oddly enough, there was always something special about the people she crawls to. She plays well with their children, too, although at this age they still lose interest in each other pretty quickly and then go off to explore something else.
Oh, and after five days with little movement and stimulus for dd, I could tell she needs more than that. She just wasn't the happy-bubbly-joyful little thing she so often is. Last night I could tell how the rather active day had done both of us good.
She has some new pants now that will serve her well playing outside (can you see my new commitment to spending tons of time outside? ha!).
At the playground, I realized that she always picks a certain type of parent to go to. She seems to prefer the strong, independent type. Loving and kind, but usually engaged in doing something else (mostly with their own child). Someone I wouldn't mind having as a co-worker. I've never seen her go to anyone I couldn't stand. Oddly enough, there was always something special about the people she crawls to. She plays well with their children, too, although at this age they still lose interest in each other pretty quickly and then go off to explore something else.
Oh, and after five days with little movement and stimulus for dd, I could tell she needs more than that. She just wasn't the happy-bubbly-joyful little thing she so often is. Last night I could tell how the rather active day had done both of us good.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Watching tv and being child-centered
I have come down with a really bad cold. I can manage, but I had to cancel playgroups and outside actitivities for two days now. I figured that feeling as bad as I do, I would allow us to watch tv, which we normally don't do other than the 8p.m. news. And I figured I might indulge a bit in child-centered play with dd, and NOT beat myself up for it.
I hardly did anything but sit on the couch and rest. Dd entertained herself easily. Sometimes she came for some breastmilk, sometimes she handed me toys and I played with her for a minute or two. I did not think about how I'm parenting her for one second. I felt like I deserve a break. I did not care about our next activitiy, about how much time we spend outside, about getting fresh air and movement, about eating well. Feeling weak and tired, blowing my nose all day, I just made do.
And guess what, we had two easy days. Maybe not Yequana level perfection, but a lot easier than our normal days. She just feel asleep in the wrap without any fuss at all, and without nursing.
I seriously wonder if I make things more complicated than they have to be, taking her to locations where I have to restrict her need for movement, at least for some time. Observing whether she seems to be unsatisfied, and thinking about how it's probably best to do nothing, but wondering if I'm still in the Continuum.
I'm sure she felt some frustration today if something didn't work, etc., but I only noticed it in the periphery. I hate to say it, but two days of watching trash tv really helped with that! My focus was on the tv so my thoughts could not revolve around my parenting.
Definitely something to keep in mind! I am glad I had a cold now so I could experience how effortless it all can be. I hope it's not all just a conincidence.
I hardly did anything but sit on the couch and rest. Dd entertained herself easily. Sometimes she came for some breastmilk, sometimes she handed me toys and I played with her for a minute or two. I did not think about how I'm parenting her for one second. I felt like I deserve a break. I did not care about our next activitiy, about how much time we spend outside, about getting fresh air and movement, about eating well. Feeling weak and tired, blowing my nose all day, I just made do.
And guess what, we had two easy days. Maybe not Yequana level perfection, but a lot easier than our normal days. She just feel asleep in the wrap without any fuss at all, and without nursing.
I seriously wonder if I make things more complicated than they have to be, taking her to locations where I have to restrict her need for movement, at least for some time. Observing whether she seems to be unsatisfied, and thinking about how it's probably best to do nothing, but wondering if I'm still in the Continuum.
I'm sure she felt some frustration today if something didn't work, etc., but I only noticed it in the periphery. I hate to say it, but two days of watching trash tv really helped with that! My focus was on the tv so my thoughts could not revolve around my parenting.
Definitely something to keep in mind! I am glad I had a cold now so I could experience how effortless it all can be. I hope it's not all just a conincidence.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)