Quick note on afternoon naps

While dd was napping, I went to the bathroom to wash my hair. She woke up while I was still busy, and cried a bit. But for the first time today, she just got up and looked for me!

Normally she stays in bed crying (and I never really know why, she's not exactly shy to look for us in any other situation).

Happy!

Out in nature

Day before yesterday

We went to a beautiful place in nature, a 30 min ride from our place by public transport. We took a long walk, and paused a lot so dd could crawl and explore. It was a 3 hour hike in total.

Lunchbreak with dd

Later on dd picked some blackberries herself. Don't ask me how she did it without hurting herself! There were some berries growing close to the ground, surrounded by lots of snails, dirt, and obviously thorns. I let her do what she wanted, and she picked some berries herself. How can she be so good at it? I have no idea. I did some wild movements getting to the berries myself, so I somewhat expected her to scratch herself. I trusted she would stop and call for me as soon as it hurts, though, so I just let her.

And she picked some fine berries!

 

We headed to a park later on and stayed there for another two hours.

She really resisted staying in the sling when we waited for the subway to get back home. For 10mins, I wasn't sure what to do. I rocked her back and forth, didn't engage with her, etc. She cried really loud though. Hm. Next time I would get up with her and walk around.

It was only 10mins but still. Did I engage with her too much before? Was it because her movements were restricted too much during the days before today?


Yesterday

This morning I saw a young woman whom I met a while ago in our grocery store. She was pregnant and past her due date, and we got to talk a little. I met her again some days later and baby was in a stroller. I did not say anything, assuming that everyone tells her how to do things anyway. This morning I saw her carrying her baby in a woven wrap! We had no time to talk so we just said hello. I am so happy for her!

We explored a part of the city I haven't been to before. Almost 4 hours of hiking and exploring with dd. 

 

  

Probably the longest slide I've ever seen. Yes, we used it on our way back. So fun!

Great view over the city.

On both days, we took lots of breaks so dd could explore as much as possible. I carried her a ring sling. We took two bottles of water, dried fruit and bread with us.

Overall we had a fantastic time, and the ring sling and what we brought (water/fruit/bread) got us through the day just fine!

Thoughts on feeling loved

Dd at 4 months old in our favorite wrap.

I just remembered that having had the full in-arms-phase must make a big difference in how we perceive life later on.

So often we as parents think "Oh no, I don't want to say / do this to my child, it would have hurt me so much in my own childhood". How often have we felt rejected, not loved, not seen, and judged unfairly?

With the wonderful start in life that CC children have, they feel loved. They must perceive life so differently!

Without the underlying notion on feeling rejected, I would have taken so many things differently. I might have heard "Please don't do this" as "Please don't do this, and I love you" instead of "How stupid you are, how can you? Please don't do this. You're a burden to me!".

I sometimes found it challenging to be in touch with baby 24/7 for the first months. But the thought of how much it will benefit dd made is so worth it. In hindsight, I wish I had never put her down. I did here and there, because I heard about it all the time.

Jean Liedloff describes in her book how the feeling of being high on heroin can only mimick what babys carried in arms feel. Now isn't that a great reason to carry our little ones? Making them feel high on love?

Dd only picks certain people

After five days of coughing, sneezing and feeling under the weather, I was finally feeling well enough yesterday to take dd shopping and to the playground later on.

She has some new pants now that will serve her well playing outside (can you see my new commitment to spending tons of time outside? ha!).

At the playground, I realized that she always picks a certain type of parent to go to. She seems to prefer the strong, independent type. Loving and kind, but usually engaged in doing something else (mostly with their own child). Someone I wouldn't mind having as a co-worker. I've never seen her go to anyone I couldn't stand. Oddly enough, there was always something special about the people she crawls to. She plays well with their children, too, although at this age they still lose interest in each other pretty quickly and then go off to explore something else.

Oh, and after five days with little movement and stimulus for dd, I could tell she needs more than that. She just wasn't the happy-bubbly-joyful little thing she so often is. Last night I could tell how the rather active day had done both of us good.

Watching tv and being child-centered

I have come down with a really bad cold. I can manage, but I had to cancel playgroups and outside actitivities for two days now. I figured that feeling as bad as I do, I would allow us to watch tv, which we normally don't do other than the 8p.m. news. And I figured I might indulge a bit in child-centered play with dd, and NOT beat myself up for it.

I hardly did anything but sit on the couch and rest. Dd entertained herself easily. Sometimes she came for some breastmilk, sometimes she handed me toys and I played with her for a minute or two. I did not think about how I'm parenting her for one second. I felt like I deserve a break. I did not care about our next activitiy, about how much time we spend outside, about getting fresh air and movement, about eating well. Feeling weak and tired, blowing my nose all day, I just made do.

And guess what, we had two easy days. Maybe not Yequana level perfection, but a lot easier than our normal days. She just feel asleep in the wrap without any fuss at all, and without nursing.

I seriously wonder if I make things more complicated than they have to be, taking her to locations where I have to restrict her need for movement, at least for some time. Observing whether she seems to be unsatisfied, and thinking about how it's probably best to do nothing, but wondering if I'm still in the Continuum.

I'm sure she felt some frustration today if something didn't work, etc., but I only noticed it in the periphery. I hate to say it, but two days of watching trash tv really helped with that! My focus was on the tv so my thoughts could not revolve around my parenting.

Definitely something to keep in mind! I am glad I had a cold now so I could experience how effortless it all can be. I hope it's not all just a conincidence.

Some group activities

Nothing major to report so far but I have discovered a few more things that were entertaining for all of us, and needed to be done anyway.

We cut out the labels of some new IKEA washcloths (I use these as cloth diapers in blueberry capri covers).

We also spent more time in our local health food store than usual, choosing veggies. At home I chopped them up kneeling on the floor, and it was both fun and relaxing to do this with dd. She helped a lot and enjoyed snacking on what we had. I felt like a competent mother for at least 10 minutes. Yeah!

On Sunday we went to a vegan café that opened up some weeks ago with dh. Although we do get into arguments a lot more since dd is some months old, it was a really nice family activity overall.

Today my mother came over to see us, and we went to the water playground together. All of us enjoyed it. Time flies if I find a good activity for all of us.

Pure bliss

Just realized how blissful our morning was.

Waking up next to dd, feeling her warm body and her soft skin, nursing her in bed while looking out of the window and watching the trees swaying in the chilly wind.

It really is pure bliss to wake up with dd.

Struggling to find group activities

I'm struggling to find group activities that work for us.

I have found a few things here and there, but nothing that I would do for very long. Talking with dh today, I realized I often prefer being inside with dd because she can crawl / walk where ever she wants to. Outside, it's another story. I have to intervene when she crawls towards a street, when we wait for the bus/train. I don't know what to do to keep myself busy. At playgrounds or the riverside, I mostly sit and watch, until after 60mins or so dd usually loses interest in exploring her surroundings and comes to sit on my lap.

Before I had dd, I would ...
~ ride my bike to work (sedentary office job) and back from Monday to Friday, around 45 mins in total
~ do 1:15h of yoga on Mondays
~ do 1:15h of oriental dance on Thursdays and often on Tuesdays/Wednesdays too
~ walk everywhere
~ spend the weekends doing chores and watching tv with dh
~ spend lots of time at home on my laptop

Looking at what we do now ...
~ we still walk to a lot to places we need to go
~ use public transport several times a week (I have to keep her on her seat)
~ meet-up with our playgroup or have people coming over around 3-5x a week (it's often boring for dd to have people coming over, and child-centered, playgroup is much better)
~ go to playgrounds (I sometimes have to keep her from crawling towards some children, so I mostly avoid playgrounds)
~ power walking with dd sometimes, I would like to make that a (daily?) habit, to replace the 45 bike ride
~ laptop time is when dd naps
~ we do chores together whenever we can, and dd helps or plays with whatever we are using

I feel like I need to do so much more to provide a stimulating environment for her. I have made big efforts in that arena, but very often felt like she was not really interested, or what we did did not match her needs (or mine).

A friend and I went hiking with the little ones, but it started to rain heavily and we had to hurry up to finish the hike. We did not place them down to play, and they cried in the carriers. It was adventurous and most entertaining for us, as being outside in the rain and making do can be really nice. For the children, I don't know. Do they like it? Not sure. My impression was that dd was quite restricted in her movements on that day.

On walks or power walks she often fusses in the wrap, so much that I take her out and let her play on the ground. Then again, this isn't how a power walk is supposed to happen, and I don't want to stand next to her in a random place and watch her play (which happened once - when I put her back in the wrap she kept on fussing. Phew!)

Dh and I came up with making food prep and eating more of an activity. Going to the health food store, buying food, preparing it. That could be something we spend more time on.

I don't want to create things we don't need. This could be something to keep in mind though (doing handicrafts maybe). Not sure it's interesting enough for me though. I have been sewing two ring slings but don't need to sew anything else at the moment. I started to look into juggling but lost interest.

I love decluttering and it was joyful for dd as well to play with whatever I moved around to see what we want to keep.

What else do you do with a 13months old that is interesting for yourself, and good for the lo to join in if she feels like it?

From the book: The party atmosphere

"This party atmosphere is the everyday norm. Their parties, in fact, cannot do much to improve on the customary high level of fun".

from: Jean Liedloff, The Continuum Concept

I love the days when my dh comes home and we do a little dance, just for fun. We put on music on youtube, one of us is holding dd, and we dance. She loves it so much, and so do we! 

I also love having fun. Last night my sister came to visit, and we often laugh a lot. I believe this is so healthy for all of us. In these moments I don't even think about if it was a "good" CC parenting day or not - I'm just having fun, and we're going with the flow of joy and laughter. 

The darn car seat

We spent some days at my mother's house. She came to pick us up by car. It's a 45min ride to her place.

For me, this means some tense 45mins in which I usually do everything I can to keep dd (13 months)  entertained. If I don't, she cries and wants out. Oh dear. It's always tough and I avoid the car if I can help it. It's a lot easier on the train, although she wants to move around more than I can safely allow her.

I always thought babies LOVE the car seat, as anyone I know had told me this had been their last resort: If all else fails, put baby in the car seat and take a ride. We never had to do this, but I kept in mind that car seats make for happy babies. Not sure why this isn't the case for us.

Anyway, at some point my mother and I stopped talking and she put on the radio and I moved a little with the music. This really helped! Dd stared at me the rest of the way. She wasn't super happy but she didn't cry either. I sang a little, I danced (well, as much as you can sitting in a car), and listened to the songs.

Back home, I wondered if this was because I really focused on the music, listened to it and enjoyed it. And I did NOT spy on dd to see if she seems fine.

Alexsandra Burt told me to trust dd to find her way in the surroundings of a car.

I'm doing my best, and maybe listening to music and thus not focusing so much on dd is a first real result.

Our favorite playground

I really believe now that the water playground, some 15mins away from our apartment, is dd's favorite place to be.

She can hardly contain her excitement once we turn into the road that leads to the water playground.

Today we couldn't stay very long and she cried when we had to leave.

Alexsandra said she would probably have her favorite places soon, and now she does!

Unlearning. Not learning.

It occured to me that TCC is mostly about unlearning. Not about learning something new.

NOT doing what everyone else is doing can range from feeling funny to being hard at first, I noticed. It gets so much easier with time, though. Plus many families are already doing attachment parenting etc.

The times I have to remind myself of something, I usually remember NOT to do something. Not to interfere, not to "help", and to simply trust.