From the book: Giving others the complete freedom of choice

"He had let me know the problem; that was all the persuasion we would use".

from: Jean Liedloff, The Continuum Concept

I find it so very impressing to read about how the Yequana's ability to accept whatever any person chooses to do. It makes me think back of how I have been treated. 

How good it felt when I told my father what I was going to do, and even when it was something he would not recommend I do, he rarely said anything more than "Hm, okay, then do it". He had given me his opinion, and what I do with it is my choice.

My mother was very accepting when I was around 4 years old and had a doctor's appointment. For some reason I wanted to wear some kind of hat, and I found that our pasta strainer would be appropriate. My mother said that I couldn't go with a strainer of my head. I argued that old men would wear hats and no one would tell them to take them off. My mother was convinced and so I had the entire appointment (which was only a routine check-up anyway) with a pasta strainer on my head. It still makes me laugh to think about that.

I also remember so many times that someone tried to influence what I do, telling me how something else would be better, or that I should think of X or Y or Z. It feels draining and tiring. Whatever I choose to do then, it will always feel somewhat wrong. 

I want to observe myself more closely this week. When do I not give someone the complete freedom of choice? When do I try to influence what someone else is doing, assuming I know better than him/her? Particularly when it comes to dd. 

I try to interfere as little as possible with what she's doing. I respect her wish not to wear much clothing at the moment, except for a diaper and a bodysuit. Without a diaper, too much pee goes everywhere. Without a bodysuit, she takes her cloth diaper off (it's easy to open). She sleeps whenever she wants to, she eats whatever she wants and how much she wants. She can completely dirty herself when she plays outside. She can exchange smiles and communicate with everyone she wants to. Hm. I guess at 13 months, this is probably it. This topic might become more relevant in some years I guess. 

Just realized I always try to influence dh not to buy so much stuff!

Daily play

Yesterday we did:

~ running several errands in the a.m.

~ several baths

~ went to water playground for 45mins (wanted to stay longer but it started to rain heavily followed by a storm)

Went to bed at 10pm and nursed at 2am and 6am.

It was not enough movement and time outside yesterday, and I made up for it this morning when we went to the water playgroung again, extra long 90mins, until dd started to crawl into the ring sling and didn't seem interested in playing anymore.

I noticed how excited dd gets when we approach the water playground. Does she know where we are? I'm not sure yet. She does often fuss or get unhappy when we walk through the streets to lead to our home. I'm wondering if that is simply because she knows we go back inside?

So this was what we did for an entire week. It was not really a typical week for us. I have reduced our social life a lot, as it was simply getting too much.

I want to spend more time going places with dd. There's so many places around here we can reach by train, and that will probably make a good day trip.

Daily play

Yesterday we did:

~ 30min powerwalking

~ 1:15 hours at playground

~ a bath

~ 4 hours at a baby birthday party

Dd fell asleep in the afternoon but we needed to leave for the party then. She woke up 30mins later. She often sleeps little during the day if we are out and about a lot.

She fell asleep at 9:30pm while we were watching TV (I know, I know .... we keep that to a minimum). I nursed her once more at 11:30pm or so, and then we woke up at 7am. It's so nice to get so much sleep in one stretch. I really don't mind waking up once per night, but if I can I'll just sleep through.

Not sure dd was perfectly-Yequana-happy at the party. She did seem a bit fussy to me. I'm not sure what I could have done differently though. I know it's probably not a big deal, but hey, now that I'm working on it, why not try to achieve more?

Daily play & I believe I "get it" now

Yesterday we did:

~ 1:15 hours at another playground (we have a lot around here)

I normally don't go to playgrounds. I find it hard to keep my CC groove when I'm there (everyone around me seems to stare at their kids and tell them what to do, and what not to do, and sometimes I wonder if they think I'm neglecting my child). But this week I have been there quite a bit, and now that dd is a little older, it becomes easier. And I can tell that I am gaining CC experience week by week. It's all getting so much easier. 

I understood for the first time what Alexsandra Burt really means by "task-oriented activities". Not child-centered, but task-oriented. That's so important. When we arrived, I decided I would build something at the playground. I build a beautiful sand tower, decorated it with tons of branches and leaves, and stones. It looked quite nice when it was done, and took me a lot of time. I enjoyed doing it, and dd helped a lot.

My only goal was building that tower, then decorating it, etc. I did not think about making anyone happy, I did not wonder if I meet dd's developmental needs, etc. I simply found something nice to do, spent time doing it, and dd's joined me whenever she felt like it.

I felt wonderful and full of confidence. I am more and more getting the feeling that I know what to do.

~ 2 hours of housekeeping with dd in ring sling

Alexsandra Burt told me that she did a 24 hour experiment with her son after her first call with Jean Liedloff. She was very active and carried her baby all the time.

My daughter is 13 months already but doesn't really walk yet. I do not carry her all the time anymore, just mostly. She plays and crawls a lot an her own, too. But today I thought I will do everything that needs to be done with her in the ring sling. I normally do this on my own, because it's more practical, or with her sitting next to me and helping (although that doesn't work with every task).

Boy! She was so relaxed and quiet. Yequana style, I'd day. Ha ha.

We went grocery shopping with dh later on, and while another child had a tantrum at the check-out, dd was sitting in the sling so very quietly, just watching everyone. Aaaaah! One more aha moment for me.

The lady next to us ask: "Is she always such a good girl?". I told her I meet her needs for movement and exploration as much as I can, and when I do, all the excess energy is out and the baby is happy. The lady said this very much makes sense.

~ 45mins of grocery shopping with dh

I went to bed at 10pm, and dd joined me at 10:30pm. She fell asleep after some nursing. We nursed at 2am and 5am. Probably could have gotten more movement yesterday, and more time to explore in the evening. Not sure. It was a good and relaxed night but we've had better ones. 

Daily play

Yesterday we did:

~ 45mins power walking with dd and 15mins chilling out in the grass (mind you, she was still grinding her teeth while I was walking briskly)

~ 90min walk with plenty of time on grass

~ dancing at home

~ 3 hours at a good friend's place (we've met in a oriental dance group and for some reason, she's like a sister to me. And she loves dd, and is really good with children)

Dd and I took a nap for around 90mins in the late afternoon.

I realized today that when dd starts to "sing" and make noises, she is probably bored. As soon as I start singing something, or become more active, she gets so calm and watches me. We switch roles then.

My friend says that dd is SO joyful and low maintenance. Which was funny because I found that last ngiht, even though we had been moving a lot during the day (outside and at home), she still moved lot, started to grind her teeth, wave her arms, etc. For me it was a high maintenance night out. It seems that compared to other children, it really was nothing. I guess I need to remember more often that I have a rather easy job with dd. I don't like to compare myself, though. For me personally, dd seemed too agitated to be really relaxed and happy.

We went to bed at 10pm and she fell asleep after some nursing. I believe we nursed once at night, but I don't remember when. 

Daily play

Yesterday we did:

~ 45mins grocery shopping

~ several short baths

~ another 30mins of grocery shopping

~ 30mins walk to water playground (to see if pool is in direct sunshine around noon)

~ 15mins walking to water playground, 30mins play, 15mins walking back (I wanted to stay much longer but a storm came up and everyone left when lightning and thunder started)

~ 60mins of dancing with daddy (and myself) to youtube videos (to make up for little time outside today)

Overall it was not enough, I could tell. We went to bed at 10pm but it took dd longer to fall asleep. Also, she woke up twice to nurse (instead of once). 

Daily play

Yesterday we spent:

~ 30mins on the subway, almost 3 hours in a park at a lovely cloth diaper meet-up, 40mins back on the subway

~ quick bath for dd (in case you wonder, I fill the bathtub once in the morning and use it several times a day, often just for a quick wash, e.g. after eating juicy fruit.)

~ 30mins dancing to songs on youtube

~ 15mins walk to water playground, 2 hours playing with friends, 15mins walking back

Dd slept for around 2 hours (?) in the afternoon in the ring sling. 

We had a fresh and cool and lovely night out at the water playground! Perfect.

We went to bed at 10:30 and dd fell asleep quickly after some nursing. We nursed once more at 2:30ish.

She did seem bored while being at home during the day, which is why I started to dance with her. I have to observe this more closely to be absolutely sure, but I'd say the ONLY times I ever see her fuss or cry a little is at home.