Tuesday, July 29, 2014

From the book: Giving others the complete freedom of choice

"He had let me know the problem; that was all the persuasion we would use".

from: Jean Liedloff, The Continuum Concept

I find it so very impressing to read about how the Yequana's ability to accept whatever any person chooses to do. It makes me think back of how I have been treated. 

How good it felt when I told my father what I was going to do, and even when it was something he would not recommend I do, he rarely said anything more than "Hm, okay, then do it". He had given me his opinion, and what I do with it is my choice.

My mother was very accepting when I was around 4 years old and had a doctor's appointment. For some reason I wanted to wear some kind of hat, and I found that our pasta strainer would be appropriate. My mother said that I couldn't go with a strainer of my head. I argued that old men would wear hats and no one would tell them to take them off. My mother was convinced and so I had the entire appointment (which was only a routine check-up anyway) with a pasta strainer on my head. It still makes me laugh to think about that.

I also remember so many times that someone tried to influence what I do, telling me how something else would be better, or that I should think of X or Y or Z. It feels draining and tiring. Whatever I choose to do then, it will always feel somewhat wrong. 

I want to observe myself more closely this week. When do I not give someone the complete freedom of choice? When do I try to influence what someone else is doing, assuming I know better than him/her? Particularly when it comes to dd. 

I try to interfere as little as possible with what she's doing. I respect her wish not to wear much clothing at the moment, except for a diaper and a bodysuit. Without a diaper, too much pee goes everywhere. Without a bodysuit, she takes her cloth diaper off (it's easy to open). She sleeps whenever she wants to, she eats whatever she wants and how much she wants. She can completely dirty herself when she plays outside. She can exchange smiles and communicate with everyone she wants to. Hm. I guess at 13 months, this is probably it. This topic might become more relevant in some years I guess. 

Just realized I always try to influence dh not to buy so much stuff!

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