From the book: Giving others the complete freedom of choice

"He had let me know the problem; that was all the persuasion we would use".

from: Jean Liedloff, The Continuum Concept

I find it so very impressing to read about how the Yequana's ability to accept whatever any person chooses to do. It makes me think back of how I have been treated. 

How good it felt when I told my father what I was going to do, and even when it was something he would not recommend I do, he rarely said anything more than "Hm, okay, then do it". He had given me his opinion, and what I do with it is my choice.

My mother was very accepting when I was around 4 years old and had a doctor's appointment. For some reason I wanted to wear some kind of hat, and I found that our pasta strainer would be appropriate. My mother said that I couldn't go with a strainer of my head. I argued that old men would wear hats and no one would tell them to take them off. My mother was convinced and so I had the entire appointment (which was only a routine check-up anyway) with a pasta strainer on my head. It still makes me laugh to think about that.

I also remember so many times that someone tried to influence what I do, telling me how something else would be better, or that I should think of X or Y or Z. It feels draining and tiring. Whatever I choose to do then, it will always feel somewhat wrong. 

I want to observe myself more closely this week. When do I not give someone the complete freedom of choice? When do I try to influence what someone else is doing, assuming I know better than him/her? Particularly when it comes to dd. 

I try to interfere as little as possible with what she's doing. I respect her wish not to wear much clothing at the moment, except for a diaper and a bodysuit. Without a diaper, too much pee goes everywhere. Without a bodysuit, she takes her cloth diaper off (it's easy to open). She sleeps whenever she wants to, she eats whatever she wants and how much she wants. She can completely dirty herself when she plays outside. She can exchange smiles and communicate with everyone she wants to. Hm. I guess at 13 months, this is probably it. This topic might become more relevant in some years I guess. 

Just realized I always try to influence dh not to buy so much stuff!

Daily play

Yesterday we did:

~ running several errands in the a.m.

~ several baths

~ went to water playground for 45mins (wanted to stay longer but it started to rain heavily followed by a storm)

Went to bed at 10pm and nursed at 2am and 6am.

It was not enough movement and time outside yesterday, and I made up for it this morning when we went to the water playgroung again, extra long 90mins, until dd started to crawl into the ring sling and didn't seem interested in playing anymore.

I noticed how excited dd gets when we approach the water playground. Does she know where we are? I'm not sure yet. She does often fuss or get unhappy when we walk through the streets to lead to our home. I'm wondering if that is simply because she knows we go back inside?

So this was what we did for an entire week. It was not really a typical week for us. I have reduced our social life a lot, as it was simply getting too much.

I want to spend more time going places with dd. There's so many places around here we can reach by train, and that will probably make a good day trip.

Daily play

Yesterday we did:

~ 30min powerwalking

~ 1:15 hours at playground

~ a bath

~ 4 hours at a baby birthday party

Dd fell asleep in the afternoon but we needed to leave for the party then. She woke up 30mins later. She often sleeps little during the day if we are out and about a lot.

She fell asleep at 9:30pm while we were watching TV (I know, I know .... we keep that to a minimum). I nursed her once more at 11:30pm or so, and then we woke up at 7am. It's so nice to get so much sleep in one stretch. I really don't mind waking up once per night, but if I can I'll just sleep through.

Not sure dd was perfectly-Yequana-happy at the party. She did seem a bit fussy to me. I'm not sure what I could have done differently though. I know it's probably not a big deal, but hey, now that I'm working on it, why not try to achieve more?

Daily play & I believe I "get it" now

Yesterday we did:

~ 1:15 hours at another playground (we have a lot around here)

I normally don't go to playgrounds. I find it hard to keep my CC groove when I'm there (everyone around me seems to stare at their kids and tell them what to do, and what not to do, and sometimes I wonder if they think I'm neglecting my child). But this week I have been there quite a bit, and now that dd is a little older, it becomes easier. And I can tell that I am gaining CC experience week by week. It's all getting so much easier. 

I understood for the first time what Alexsandra Burt really means by "task-oriented activities". Not child-centered, but task-oriented. That's so important. When we arrived, I decided I would build something at the playground. I build a beautiful sand tower, decorated it with tons of branches and leaves, and stones. It looked quite nice when it was done, and took me a lot of time. I enjoyed doing it, and dd helped a lot.

My only goal was building that tower, then decorating it, etc. I did not think about making anyone happy, I did not wonder if I meet dd's developmental needs, etc. I simply found something nice to do, spent time doing it, and dd's joined me whenever she felt like it.

I felt wonderful and full of confidence. I am more and more getting the feeling that I know what to do.

~ 2 hours of housekeeping with dd in ring sling

Alexsandra Burt told me that she did a 24 hour experiment with her son after her first call with Jean Liedloff. She was very active and carried her baby all the time.

My daughter is 13 months already but doesn't really walk yet. I do not carry her all the time anymore, just mostly. She plays and crawls a lot an her own, too. But today I thought I will do everything that needs to be done with her in the ring sling. I normally do this on my own, because it's more practical, or with her sitting next to me and helping (although that doesn't work with every task).

Boy! She was so relaxed and quiet. Yequana style, I'd day. Ha ha.

We went grocery shopping with dh later on, and while another child had a tantrum at the check-out, dd was sitting in the sling so very quietly, just watching everyone. Aaaaah! One more aha moment for me.

The lady next to us ask: "Is she always such a good girl?". I told her I meet her needs for movement and exploration as much as I can, and when I do, all the excess energy is out and the baby is happy. The lady said this very much makes sense.

~ 45mins of grocery shopping with dh

I went to bed at 10pm, and dd joined me at 10:30pm. She fell asleep after some nursing. We nursed at 2am and 5am. Probably could have gotten more movement yesterday, and more time to explore in the evening. Not sure. It was a good and relaxed night but we've had better ones. 

Daily play

Yesterday we did:

~ 45mins power walking with dd and 15mins chilling out in the grass (mind you, she was still grinding her teeth while I was walking briskly)

~ 90min walk with plenty of time on grass

~ dancing at home

~ 3 hours at a good friend's place (we've met in a oriental dance group and for some reason, she's like a sister to me. And she loves dd, and is really good with children)

Dd and I took a nap for around 90mins in the late afternoon.

I realized today that when dd starts to "sing" and make noises, she is probably bored. As soon as I start singing something, or become more active, she gets so calm and watches me. We switch roles then.

My friend says that dd is SO joyful and low maintenance. Which was funny because I found that last ngiht, even though we had been moving a lot during the day (outside and at home), she still moved lot, started to grind her teeth, wave her arms, etc. For me it was a high maintenance night out. It seems that compared to other children, it really was nothing. I guess I need to remember more often that I have a rather easy job with dd. I don't like to compare myself, though. For me personally, dd seemed too agitated to be really relaxed and happy.

We went to bed at 10pm and she fell asleep after some nursing. I believe we nursed once at night, but I don't remember when. 

Daily play

Yesterday we did:

~ 45mins grocery shopping

~ several short baths

~ another 30mins of grocery shopping

~ 30mins walk to water playground (to see if pool is in direct sunshine around noon)

~ 15mins walking to water playground, 30mins play, 15mins walking back (I wanted to stay much longer but a storm came up and everyone left when lightning and thunder started)

~ 60mins of dancing with daddy (and myself) to youtube videos (to make up for little time outside today)

Overall it was not enough, I could tell. We went to bed at 10pm but it took dd longer to fall asleep. Also, she woke up twice to nurse (instead of once). 

Daily play

Yesterday we spent:

~ 30mins on the subway, almost 3 hours in a park at a lovely cloth diaper meet-up, 40mins back on the subway

~ quick bath for dd (in case you wonder, I fill the bathtub once in the morning and use it several times a day, often just for a quick wash, e.g. after eating juicy fruit.)

~ 30mins dancing to songs on youtube

~ 15mins walk to water playground, 2 hours playing with friends, 15mins walking back

Dd slept for around 2 hours (?) in the afternoon in the ring sling. 

We had a fresh and cool and lovely night out at the water playground! Perfect.

We went to bed at 10:30 and dd fell asleep quickly after some nursing. We nursed once more at 2:30ish.

She did seem bored while being at home during the day, which is why I started to dance with her. I have to observe this more closely to be absolutely sure, but I'd say the ONLY times I ever see her fuss or cry a little is at home.

Daily play

When I first talked with CC consultant Alexsandra Burt, she asked me a lot of specific questions in order to assess our individual needs.
One of the most important messages was: This baby needs a LOT of movement.
This is something that I would like to track on a daily basis for a while to see how much we actually get. 

Yesterday we spent:

~ 90mins at the playground (normally we don't go there but yesterday I had the feeling it would be good, and it was)

~ quick bath for dd

~ grocery shopping around noon

~ 60mins at a water playground near here where the children can go in some sort of outside pool. DEFINITELY will go there again after this first test! Wanted to stay longer but got hungry so went home after 60mins.

~ another bath for dd

I still carry her everywhere. She weighs arond 20 pounds now.
She fell asleep in the afternoon and later on slept very well at 10pm when we all went to bed (after some nursing). We nursed once during the night at 2:30ish.

Where I heard about TCC first

I was very lucky to meet the wonderful Anne Osborne in early 2012 when I was traveling Australia.

I was very much impressed by her son (of 8 years back then, if I remember correctly), and their very harmonious and absolutely non-adversarial relationship with each other. 

It was in this video that I heard about the Continuum Concept for the first time. At 6:30 min she talks about how highly she thinks of TCC.

Outside in the rain

I am constantly learning how to live more outside instead of inside.

With dd, I'm exploring new places in our city which I would never have gone if it wasn't for her.

Yesterday we went for a long walk in the pouring rain, to the other riverside. What I didn't know is that this is apparently the place where everyone walks their dogs. None of the dogs were on a leash so I had to use my best judgement on whether or not to pick dd up when one of the dogs ran towards us.

I let her play as much as she wanted, and in the end took off her wet clothes and put on dry ones.

Something made me smile: We walked past a pit, much like the one Jean Liedloff described in her book "The Continuum Concept". The big storm had eradicated the tree that had been standing there, and all that was left was a big hole in the ground where the root system used to be. People have thrown all kinds of trash in there by now.

Dd started to crawl away from me and explored the place. From where I was sitting, I could no longer see the pit, and I had simply forgotten about it. Later on, when I wanted to leave and went to pick her up, I saw she had been playing besides it most of the time. Just like in the book.

Funny coincidence, isn't it?

I'm actually glad I didn't see it, so I didn't have to worry about some mad dog pushing her in a big, deep, dirty pit full of broken pieces of glass!

Oh, the heat!

I thought I would spend so many summer days outside with dd.

At first it was so cold and rainy and I couldn't bring myself to let her crawl outside. 

Then a big storm hit our city, and the beautiful woods won't be accessible before October.

Now it is so warm that all you want to do is stay inside. Besides things like grocery shopping, we did just that: Staying at home.

Some cooling activities we enjoyed:

~ Making banana icecream. Freeze pieces of bananas in a glas jar, take out after 12-24 hours and blend in a strong blender. There's a special machine for that, too, by now, which I've never used though.

~ Being in the cool bathtub a lot. I left the water in there - very useful to clean dd quickly after eating melon from the fridge.

~ Making cucumber juice. A bit messy, but very refreshing, and a fun activity. Put in a cucumber, and juice comes out.

Part 7 - What I did with my baby when we had to stay inside

Weeks after our little hurricane here, the woods are still not accessible. Some paths are free to walk but not much, so mostly we go to safe parks and just walk around the city.

Today was another day we spent mostly inside. 

I've wanted to learn how to juggle for a long time. I watched a youtube tutorial and dd watched me while attempting to juggle. It's really not that easy but was a nice way to pass our time, and we had some good laughs!

From the book: The soft body tone of CC babies

"Millicent was surprised at the difference between Seth's body tone and that of other babies. 

His was soft, she said. The others all felt like pokers."

from: Jean Liedloff, The Continuum Concept

I have done the experiment. I have held some other babies here and there. First I thought that only trianed professionals would feel a difference, or very sensitive people. I was wrong! The difference is very noticeable.

My dd sometimes feels like liquid. Supersoft, so resistance whatsoever. Even on a not-so-good day with not enough movement and opportunities to explore the world, she stills feels soft. Always.

Other children I have held often felt firmer, and I remember one little girl who literally felt like a brick (I felt that only touching her leg, even before holding her). Her parents don't carry her.

Doing messy things with your baby / toddler

I make my own sugar wax and a while ago I really wanted to wax my legs (I feel like most mothers, I guess, never really well groomed). The reason why I haven't done it before is because it can be such a mess, even without a baby or toddler watching your every move and trying to grab things.

But on that particular day I felt I looked bad enough to finally give it a try. And to my great surprise, it went quite well. I was amazed how I only covered the sticky knife with one of my cotton strips so the wax would not get on my dd's hands, and consequently on furniture, my hair, etc. The rest I did like I always do, and she was around me all the time. These things are so interesting for her!

I try to include her whenever I can. She loves to hand me things, like scissors, glue, etc., and watches carefully. The only times I don't let her come near me is when I work with household chemicals that no one is supposed to breathe in. I could tell her to hold her breath like I do, but I don't think that will work, and I don't need to use these things often anyway.

Dd loves helping me to peel potatoes, by the way. I usually prepare food on the floor these days, so she can just join me (which she often does).

Anyone out there making similar experiences?

Parties are fulfilling

We celebrated dd's first birthday some days ago with our families.

My own mother was such a joy to be with on that day. She can be a great entertainer, incredibly charming and funny. She was on a party until 3am in the morning the night before (and my mom is in her early 60ies, haha), dancing and having a good time.

On our way home, I texted her how much we enjoyed her presence. She said she needs to party more often because it makes her so relaxed.

I believe it's a great way to "let it all out", all the excess energy. Ever noticed how nothing can really bother or annoy you after a really good night out?

Have I found our personal panacea?

For a year now, I have been looking for ways to incorporate exercise in my daily life with my daughter. I tried different things from exercising with videos in my living room to nordic walking and having her on my back. We did not really stick to any of these.

For a week now I have been doing power walking with dd. And she seems to really like it. We did 45mins this morning, and she was so calm and happy all day. We went to see a friend and her little boy in the afternoon, and being with my dd was such a joy, and so easy, from her playing happily all by herself to diapering her with no fuss at all.

I always wondered if regular walks in the city aren't too boring for her. I guess they are. She would fuss unless I would bounce her, sing and dance. But if I walk really fast, a brisk power walk, carrying her in front, it's so good for both of us. I am pumping my lymphatic system (so great for detox!), I get sweaty, and it's really easy and needs no further equipment. I felt great afterwards, and so did dd (I hope - it seemed that way to me). She even fell asleep before we got home.

I really want to do this every other day, in the morning. I love walking as fast as I can and give it my all. I was so active during pregnancy, cycling to work every day, doing oriental dance, doing yoga, working a lot in our home. I even did sprints upstairs when my dad and I went to IKEA some days before I gave birth. Just because I enjoyed it so much, and I wanted to see how fast I was still able to go with my big belly (yes, my dad was much faster than me, and yes, I had to walk the last steps, but it was so fun).

So it does make sense that this is what feels right to dd. It's what she has been experiencing for all this time from conception to birth. I'm hoping it keeps working so well for us.